I am not against freebirths.
I understand why some women choose to birth wildly, with no medical assistance.
Bodies are capable to birth, with no use of 'technologies' nor strict guidelines.
But I know how much support can heal in labour, without fixing nor disturbing the process.
We live in a society that perpetuates women doing everything by themselves, mothering by themselves, carrying the burden, and sometimes I feel freebirth empahsises that. I think in labour women need to be surrounded by so much love and support - not interference - especially for first time mothers.
I understand why women choose to birth on their own, the health system can manipulate many people to make them believe there is something wrong with them so they need to be fixed. Some people agree with that, some other people do their own work, take their responsibility and choose something different. There is no right, no wrong, every single human haves their own journey to experience.
I know as well how good it is when you are with your birth witnesses together to share intensity and love of labour. Not to have everything on your partner and on your shoulder. Support heals.
I always think when life gets intense and we talk to someone who sees us, things get easier, we have less weight on our shoulders.
Birthing is the same. In my experience, many women have always told me, the fact that you were there and you were supporting me no matter what - without doing anything - it was everything for me.
What does support mean? It doesn't mean fixing, solving problems, do the work for others. It means 'seeing' the one in front of you, where s/he is at in the journey. Sometimes it may mean holding hands, crying together, be in silence, have a chat, asking/how where we can support, mirrorring the emotions, validating the experience.
It can also be a big thing, especially if, as supporters, we are not in touch with our own pain and emotions. And it can be difficult to be with others' pain or struggles. That's why I strongly believe, if you/we work with other people, we need to work on your own stuff. That will enable you, me, to be there for others without 'our stuff' interfering the process. And be there with what it is happening, pain, joy, tears, fears, etc.
I have learnt a lot by working on myself. I feel less uncomfortable to be there when people are struggling or are in pain or in intense emotions, I have learnt to be with that. I tended to minimise and numb the emotions because I could/would not see mine. It was too much. This is a continuos work that really helps me to see myself and take the ownership of triggers.
I have learnt to open my heart, be vulnerable with what's present and show up with love. The others want to be seen and loved. I have learnt a lot on boundaries too, because support doesn't mean give everything you got, it means knowing ourselves very well. Knowing our nos and yeses.
So coming back to freebirth, I talked about support because I believe it is essential in birth. When I see women after birthing in hospital, they always tell me - ' I was traumatised because I was alone, professionals were too busy, and when they approached me they were very unkind and they were doing all sorts of things without involving me'. We need 'togetherness', we are wired for connection. When you birth at home and/or wildly, you are the queen and you can definitely choose what ypu want and fullfill your needs. And having support around is definitely much easier to organise, in pregnancy, at birth or/and post-partum.
So, when you are preparing for your birth (or any moment of your motherhood journey), ask yourself:
- How does support look like for me?
- Who do I want around me in my birth space?
- What will the people entering my sacred birth space do?
- What is it important for me?
Make sure that your supporters do not interfere with your process, communication is important. Go through all the scenarios and what you desire.
And most importantly keep visualising your birth space, how you want to be supported (massage, no touch, music, etc.).
And... do not forget post-partum!!! (but that's for another post :)
There are many women out there with experience in home birth and freebirth. You may want to listen to their stories. Or feel free to contact me: firstname.lastname@example.org
And don't forget to check out my YouTube channel and Instagram.
Love & Blessings